MOVED

Today I moved back in to my mom's house, with my step dad and little sister. Haven't lived with them since I graduated high school in 2008, so we're going to see how this goes. When I first lived with them I couldn't do anything that normal teenagers did. Now I'm 21, and have basically had free reign over my own life and what I do since I moved out. My dad was never much for the curfew and not letting me hang out with my friends. Its the first night and I went to a football game with the whole family, but left early. Went to a friends house and didn't get home til almost 12. Granted, my mother just got home and its 12:45. So I didn't have to worry about waking her up and I knew that she shouldn't get on to me for being out late when she was at a bar with friends. But I guess we'll see how it goes when she's not out getting drunk like a teenager and I want to be. The whole point of this move was so I can get a better paying job and move out. And also go to school. I don't know which is going to come first. Hopefully school. I guess we'll see how me living with them is going to work out this time. Maybe I won't have to beat my head against a wall anytime soon...here's hoping......hmm, I seem to be doing a lot of hoping now. Oh, well. Goodnight.

TWITTER

Just set up my twitter account today. I had one before...for about 5 minutes. Then I deactivated it because I just don't see the point in doing nothing but following people status updates and have them following yours. But I'm going to give it another try just to see if it really has a use. I doubt it though, what social networking site really has a credible use? Unless you have a business. Then again, if everyone logged off for good they wouldn't be gaining anything from having one either. I've got 7 followers and I have no idea who any of them are. At least on facebook people usually just add people they know or have met. Only the creepers try and add others. But I don't think that applies with twitter because I have nothing up there but a picture and I've only made 2 tweets. But we'll see how this goes. Just my curiosity getting the better of me ! 

Different Perspective ?

Well I had my 21st birthday last month on the 15th. And the only thing I have to show from it is a great night out drinking in Clemson with my wonderful boyfriend and some of his friends and a party that pretty much sucked. Why is it that now I'm older, I'm feeling more confined in my place in life? I'm still living at home with parents, have a shit job, and can only see my above mentioned boyfriend twice a month (I moved 2 hours away). I just want to live with him in our own apartment and us both have jobs that pay the bills and be engaged but barely talking about getting married. Because right now all I want to be in engaged. It might be weird but I really don't care about the wedding part. We could get married by his mom in a freaking backyard for all I care. I just want to be together and it be permanent in the eyes of everyone who believes in marriage. I'm mostly tired of being so far away from him and being stuck in this place away from any semblance of fun and friends. Every time I go where my friends are, they're either too busy with work or the other part of their lives that doesn't have anything to do with high school. I just miss how things used to be when I lived closer to them and was living in a more fun town than the one I'm in now. I feel trapped at bored, and this entry really makes no sense because I'm rambling. To make it short. I want out. Of here. And in a house with my man near my friends and starting a new chapter in my life. That's what I need. 

Fucking Losers on the Internet

I am so sick and fucking tired of people not having anything better to do than harass others on the internet. Get a fucking life or a job people. Cause I know all of those that do it are lazy sons of bitches who are on EBT or welfare and don't work for anything they get except fucking drugs. So stop your shit and go out and enjoy the world. It has a lot more to offer you than connections with others that you ruin because they have something you don't and you can't stand it so you have to make them feel like shit even though they aren't. Just read Kiki Kannibal's article in the newspaper and it made me sick that that many people would try and ruin this girl's life just because she put on some wigs and danced in front of a camera. Do you think you would have the balls to go up and do that to a stripper in real life? [not calling Kiki a stripper, lord knows she isn't.] Hell no you wouldn't have the balls. The only reason ya'll said anything was because it was practically anonymous. Get a life or go to hell. That's all you deserve you fucking pricks. Goodnight.

Untitled

I've been sitting here
Suppressing my fear that you would find out
Of my majorly little problem
Which you are the center of


You turn over and over in my mind
Making my stomach churn
Why is this happening to me?
I guess it's my time to burn


My heart is veiled with a black mist
Trees creaking and bending with its weight
It is soaked with eons of tears
And I've hung out to dry


Those tears are for you
And how you've plagued my soul
You'll never leave my thoughts
Until I die of old


*wrote in 10th grade

Rant

Just a quick rant.  Why in the hell are a ton of people I graduated with having kids??? And getting married?? Jeezes people we are only in our early 20s if that why are you rushing shit that is just going to blow up in your face later on? Its like every time I get on facebook I find out that someone else I've been in school with since elementary school or middle school has a damn kid with someone that I have no idea who they are and they are significantly younger than a person you should have a kid with. I mean I just got a job where I believe I'll be able to stay for a long time and haven't even gone back to college yet and all these other people are married with kids and working full time jobs and RUINING THEIR DAMN LIVES! Also kids younger than me are doing the same thing. It might be making me feel old but damn I'm living the damn dream because I'm only dating and kid-free! Please will someone blow this shit wide open because it is getting beyond ridiculous and I can't take it anymore. These people are just kids themselves and now they can't go out and enjoy life as adults and party and drink and do early 20s things because they have to stay home and take care of the damn fruit of their loins.  And a lot of the girls that are in this situation don't even have a damn hubby or boyfriend or anything. They aren't even teens anymore yet they're living the teen mom life because they still aren't mature enough to get pregnant and have a freakin kid.  Well I'm going to enjoy this time in my life when I'm supposed to start learning to be responsible and getting out on my own and paying for a few bills and not wiping some baby's ass. Have fun 20 yr old parents!

Me !

Well I haven't written in a while but that's because I have no internet at my house ! I'm at a friends and she does so yay. Just wanted to update online what's happened since the last time. I have a job. At Staples. Been there for two months. Moving to Union soon and I'll be able to get my own car have an entire upstairs to myself. And I'll be able to afford going back to school. Which is always a good thing. Don't want to be working office supplies all my life lol. Love life isn't really existent but there's something there with a guy. It seems to be working out fine so yeah. We'll see how it goes. Guess that's all I wanted to say.

Friends

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our  lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead  of consult with their calender, make room on their calenders. Those that don't let temporary happiness or highs come in between the memories and great times of the past. True friends don't talk behind your back or neglect you, they stand by you and respect you.

Unappreciated

No I don't have a job and no I'm not going to school but I still help in every way I can and I try to do what I can for my friends, and people who aren't even really my friends, but I'm still not appreciated for it. Am I ever going to be enough for anyone? Yes, this is melodramatic but it's what's going on with my life right now. What if I get too sick and tired of it and just decide to not help anymore? Where will people be then? I might not make that much of a dent when I help, but at least its something. And when it disappears you'll be wanting it back, well too damn late. Should have appreciated this more when you did have it. 

If It's Love ~ Train

While everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
And there's a thousand ways you can skin it

My feet have been on the floor
Flat like an idle singer
Remember winger
I digress
I confess you are the best thing in my life

But I'm afraid when I hear stories
About a husband and wife
There's no happy endings
No Henry Lee
But you are the greatest thing about me


If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better


If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever


And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together


Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, Love
That's enough for me

Took a loan on a house I own
Can't be a queen bee without a bee throne
I wanna buy ya everything
Except cologne
'cause it's poison


We can travel to Spain where the rain falls
Mainly on the plain side and sing
'cause it is we can laugh we can sing


Have ten kids and give them everything
Hold our cell phones up in the air
And just be glad we made it here alive
On a spinning ball in the middle of space
I love you from your toes to your face

You can move in
I won't ask where you've been
'cause everybody has a past
When we're older
We'll do it all over again

When everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
I'm in it for you

If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
Then the rest is just whenever

If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better


And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together


Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, love
That's enough for me

Cheaters are IDIOTS!

God I just have to say something to get it off my chest...stop all this infidelity bullshit and grow some fucking balls and stick to your own boyfriend/girlfriend and not something that you don't deserve to have if the only way you want to get it is by cheating. It's stupid and immature and it ruins the respect you MIGHT have from others and yourself. Just get the fuck over it. If you want someone else, you obviously don't want who you have now so just freaking drop them and go after what you want completely relationship free. And if you just want to fuck around, don't have a significant other while you do it. Stay single and do whatever, but stop hurting the people who think you care about them.

New Favorite Song

Lying next to you

wishing i could disappear, hey

let you fall asleep

and vanish into thin air, hey

It's the elephant in the room

and we pretend that we don't see it

It's the avalanche that looms

above our heads, but we don't believe it

*Trying to be perfect

trying not to let you down, yeah

Honest is honestly

the hardest thing for me right now

While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin

the walls we built together tumblin

I still stand here holdin up the roof

Cause its easier than telling the truth*

I still keep your photographs

I remember how we used to laugh

I can keep losing sleep

if you're okay with being torn in half

It's the elephant in the room

and we pretend that we don't see it

It's the avalanche that looms

above our heads, but we don't believe it

*Trying to be perfect

trying not to let you down, yeah

Honest is honestly

the hardest thing for me right now, yeah

While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin

the walls we built together tumblin

I still stand here holdin up the roof

Cause its easier than telling the truth*

It's easier than telling the truth ~ Kris Allen, The Truth

I just heard this song and for some reason it spoke to me so I felt like putting it up.

Passion

Passion...it lies in all of us.

Sleeping. Waiting.

And though unwanted, unbidden...it will stir.

Open its jaws and howl.

It speaks to us, guides us.

Passion rules us all and we obey.

What other choice do we have?

Passion is the source of our finest moments.

The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief.

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear.

If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace.

But we would be hollow. Empty rooms shuttered and dark.

Without passion...we'd be truly dead.

Love...

Love. Something I want, need, cherish, hate, loathe, curse. Why the conflicting verb usage? Because I've had my fair share of goods and BADS with it. Sometimes I wish that that anatomically incorrect depiction of the human heart would cease to do anything but pump my life's blood. And I know that's really all it is said to do. But I believe it loves and hurts. Otherwise, we wouldn't feel sharp, stinging, breath-taking pain when they walked down the street and you watched unnoticed. It can hurt, but you can also feel it swell and strengthen when you have that person in your arms. You hear all the beautiful love songs of the world and know that you relate to everyone of them and you either feel elated or distraught. Or maybe you're better at dealing with heartbreak and you just feel slightly lost in your life where love is concerned. But even if you are like that, you can get to the point where you are so down you lose all hope of ever being happy in your heart of hearts. You'll get over it and move on, but there's always that same doubt. Maybe you just weren't good enough. And it doesn't matter how many friends and unknowledgeable bystanders who bad mouth your other, if they felt perfect to you and you weren't for them, that puts a lot of ammo in your "it was my fault what's wrong with me" vault. Or something like that. All I'm saying is it sucks. Some can handle it better than others. Some, can't handle it at all. Which one are you? I certainly have no idea but I'll take everything in stride because if you can't handle someone else, maybe you should try and get better acquainted with yourself, before you take on someone else's mental and emotional baggage. Love is the thing that conquers all, but shouldn't it still be ruled by you?